I did not watch the Grammy Awards show this year, but I did recently discover that John Mayer won the Best Male Pop Vocal Performance for his song, “Say.”
Say what!? Did anyone take the time to listen to the song before giving him an award for it?
Look, I have nothing against John Mayer. In fact, I really like some of his music and think he is a really talented guy. That aside, the only award Mayer should have received for “Say” was a Razzie Award for Worst Song Written for Motion Picture, Television or Other Visual Media. (Ironically, “Say” was nominated for the Best version of that category too.)
To understand why this song is such a travesty requires a close look at the song’s lyrics. (Click here to see them.) Of the 354 words (not including the background chorus at the end), 82 of them are the word “say.” What is that you say? Yes, more than 23 percent of the words in the song are that one specific word. Add the “say(s)” from the background chorus, and the total number of “say(s)” jumps to either 89 or 96 (it is hard to tell for sure—I am going with the latter). Now, I would like to remind you, this all goes down in a scant 3:49 minutes. Take away the first ten seconds before Mayer actually begins to sing, and you have the word “say” said every 2.28 seconds!
The song’s chorus, “say what you need to say,” is essentially repeated 42 times during that 3:39 minutes. (Again, that is not including the seven occurrences of it in the background chorus.) Or another way to look at it: If it takes Mayer approximately 2 seconds to sing it, then he spends 84 seconds (42 x 2 = 84) singing the chorus. That means 38.4 percent of the song is consumed by the repetitious six word chorus—which leaves (on average) only 3.21 seconds between each chorus verse.
If you did also throw in the background chorus, which takes him roughly four seconds per verse, those statistics get even worse. With that addition included, Mayer sings his trite refrain for a total of 1:52 minutes, or 51.1 percent of the total time he spends singing during the entire song! What the hell!?
(Want to hear it? Ignore all the 14 year old girl comments below the video.)
And they gave the man a Grammy for it. A song that, if listened to on repeat, would surely drive any sane person mad in short notice; undoubtedly resulting in either suicide or mass homicide. It is no less than flabbergastingly astonishing because, as I just demonstrated, the song’s awfulness is quantifiably irrefutable.
Right about now, you are probably asking yourself why an award—that supposedly represents a pinnacle of annual achievement—was bestowed upon such a piece of garbage? Well, Maynard James Keenan of Tool, A Perfect Circle, and Puscifer said this about the Grammys in 2002:
“I think the Grammys are nothing more than some gigantic promotional machine for the music industry. They cater to a low intellect and they feed the masses. They don’t honor the arts or the artist for what he created. It’s the music business celebrating itself. That’s basically what it’s all about.”
I second that analysis. Actually that is what most of these award shows are all about. How else can it be explained why we have so damn many of them?
Let us see here, we have got the Country Music Association Awards; the Golden Globes; the Emmys; the Screen Actors Guild Awards; Teen Choice Awards; Peabody Awards; GLAAD Awards; A-List Awards; MTV Movie Awards; BAFTA Awards; Independent Spirit Awards; Academy Awards; CMT Music Awards; Independent Music Awards; Television Critics Association Awards; Satellite Awards; Directors Guild of America Awards; Saturn Awards; Art Directors Guild Awards; Eddie Awards; Gotham Awards; Annie Awards; Image Awards; Writers Guild of America Awards; Producers Guild of America Awards; IFMCA Awards; Makeup and Hairstylist Guild Awards; American Society of Cinematographers Awards; ADG Awards; American Choreography Awards; ASCAP Awards; Film Music Awards; People’s Choice Awards; National Board of Review Awards; Young Hollywood Awards; American Comedy Awards;… ALRIGHT! Enough already! Trust me, I could keep going but I am sure you get the picture.
No other nation on Earth comes anywhere close to having as many awards as America does for music, television, and film. Of course, the reason for this is simple. Our country produces more music, television, and films, than any other country; so we have to make enough awards available to be sure everyone has a chance at getting one. These people have needy, fragile egos that must be acknowledged year-round. Unlike the rest of us, a simple paycheck will not suffice. But Maynard also left out something else. “Artists” are not showered with Grammys due just to financial and promotional considerations, but political ones as well. Simply take a look at the Grammy recipients for the Best Spoken Word Album over the past six consecutive years in order to see that. Each one has gone to liberal political works—much like the Pulitzer Prize always does. Coincidence? Me thinks not. (And yet it is the liberals who are always screaming about the Fairness Doctrine?)
Grammy Awards of 2009
- Beau Bridges, Cynthia Nixon and Blair Underwood for An Inconvenient Truth: The Planetary Emergency of Global Warming and What We Can Do About It by Al Gore
Grammy Awards of 2008
- Barack Obama for The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream
Grammy Awards of 2007
- Jimmy Carter for Our Endangered Values: America’s Moral Crisis; and
- Ossie Davis & Ruby Dee for With Ossie and Ruby: In This Life Together (Tie)
Grammy Awards of 2006
- Barack Obama for Dreams from My Father
Grammy Awards of 2005
- Bill Clinton for My Life
Grammy Awards of 2004
- Paul Ruben (producer) & Al Franken for Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right
In regard to Barack Obama’s performances, Patrick Stewart would have been a far more deserving beneficiary if, for example, he had used his amazing oratory skills to narrate a children’s audio tape guide for a museum exhibit, or even just filled in for the Moviefone guy one night. In contrast, Obama just sounded like an average guy reading a book aloud—cheesy inflections and all. How can one justify that as a Grammy performance? Wait. Unless… maybe it is not so much about the performance, but about rewarding those propagating liberal agendas? Yes, that must be it! And Barack Obama did not just win one Grammy, but two. Wow, is he loved! He must be, like, their leader or something. Hmm.
I wonder if Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth had come out in 2007, would they have deemed a tie between it and The Audacity of Hope? I think Obama should co-write and record some more books just to see how many Grammys he can rack up. Hey, he does still have that abridged version of Dreams from My Father, targeted at school aged children, coming up. After that, maybe he could record the book that his half-sister is soon to write? Unless they think it will look too suspicious doling out two Grammys for audiobooks derived from only one book, that should make him good for at least two more Grammys.
But wait, you are still probably wondering why John Mayer received a Grammy for “Say?” Well, I believe it too was for political reasons. You see, Mayer was commissioned to write “Say” for the Rob Reiner film, The Bucker List, in 2007. Reiner is an internationally known progressive liberal activist. Although he made the mistake of endorsing Hillary Clinton during the 2008 Presidential Election, I am sure his continual blogging contributions to the Huffington Post and decades of service to the extremist movement must have kept him in the good graces of the “powers that be.” And since none of Reiner’s films had won any awards for the past thirteen years, the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences obviously decided to at least throw a Grammy at the theme song from his last film.
As for the other Best Pop Vocal nominations, none of them were used as the highlight track in any films directed by liberal activists. Poor bastards, they never stood a chance.